The Cacophonous World of Professor Whimsey

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2010-07-22T16:39:00.001-07:00

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What's this? A webcomic?

2009-05-20T09:31:00.001-07:00

Sorry about the lack of new music these past two months. I've been focusing on learning how to draw comics, and you can see my first self-directed learning project here: "Ulysses The Undead".

I'll start up music-making soon, though, I promise.

Off the Grid

2009-03-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

No synths this time (a first for me)! Used only the instruments pictured above (plus my voice and our kitchen wok-lid as a gong, not pictured): ashiko hand-drum (djembe like), kosika shaker, tambourine, box drum, mbira/kalimba, bamboo saxophone, and some weird bamboo/reed whistle. I used ample instances of Celemony Melodine to keep everything in tune (and repitch a few notes), and looped some of the parts a bit (and the 4-on-the-floor "kick" is the ashiko pitched down roughly 5 semitones). Most were recorded with an SM58, my voice with my CAD-M177. The reverb is a cave impulse in Cakewalk Perfect Space.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Off_the_Grid.mp3

Popcicle Man

2009-02-14T20:05:00.001-08:00

If you're offended by this, you're not wrong.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Popcicle_Man.mp3

General Dynamics

2009-02-09T18:09:00.001-08:00

I realized this past weekend that I hadn't done a two-minute rock opera yet about a mechanical engineer who steals a tank. So I fixed that (there's a General Dynamcs tank plant near Detroit that we used to drive past whenever we'd visit our grandparents, so that's the Michigan connection).

This features Alchemy, Minimonsta, Jamcussion, SonikSynth 2, and a backwards guitar chord (that I played all by myself!).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_General_Dynamics.mp3

Lyric:
He's thinking about getting the band back together
But he knows there never really was a band
He found a funny video he'd like to show his son
But he won't see him until next weekend.
And it's too early to get excited about going home
According to the 20-year clock up on the shelf
Not that there's anything to get excited about
And these brackets won't design themeselves.

General Dynamics
You can't be quiet, you can't be loud
General Dynamics
Don't deny it, stand out from the crowd
Because when you look back at all your time
and find that from it all you shrank
That's the time to break out of line
And steal yourself a tank.

Maybe it was a problem with AutoCAD
Maybe just missing the life he'd never had,
After years of being nothing he just wanted to be bad,
And that night he was working late.
He had a friend in the guard at the shack
They'd gone to school together many years back
And so just by faking a heart attack
He subdued him and made it through the factory gate.

Fire that bad boy up
M-1-A
Slam that hatch door shut
They'll finally listen, today.

General Dynamics
Quiet time is over now
General Dynamics
Never liked this fac'try anyhow
Like Hell! the Earth belongs to the weak
Or to those whom it destroys
Maybe they'll listen when you speak
If your tank backs it up with noise.

None of this was really necessary
Could have avoided the run-in with the military
And the Page One obituary
With a little general dynamics.

Egg Farm

2008-12-28T17:08:00.000-08:00

Here's my attempt to do an old-school-style baby-maker (extended slow jam) in an age of embryonic stem-cell research. I think it's one of the longest pieces I've ever done.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Egg_Farm.mp3

Conditor Alme Siderum

2008-12-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

It's a traditional evening prayer chant for Advent in Latin ("Creator of the stars of night"), done here as kind of a downtempo lounge-core thing (Chantcore?). I used Sonik Synth, SampleTron, SampleMoog, ReTank loops, and Alchemy.

Consider it an early Christmas present! :-)

Lyric and English Translation

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Conditor_Alme_Siderum.mp3

"Don't speak Latin in front of the books." - Giles

Celestine

2008-11-29T17:54:00.001-08:00

Fun with some new loops, mercifully short.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Celestine.mp3

God Blessed The States

2008-11-16T15:53:00.000-08:00

I'm going to post some odds and ends from this year, things I haven't posted yet. Starting with this one from February's KVR contest. We had to do a cover of a tune written by another KVRian, in this case, S.HUSH, who is a hilarious songwriter. I used an effect on my voice (CloneEnsmble), multitracked 8 times, with some ambient crowd noise, and a marching band beat I did in Battery 3... it's weird, but maybe convincing in its execution. In case you're curious, the original was a Mellencamp-esque rock tune.

http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0802_DrAX_God_Blessed_The_States.mp3

Spreading The Wealth Around

2008-10-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

A little anti-redistributionalist Calypso for you! I play the ukulele on it. Enjoy!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Spreading_The_Wealth_Around.mp3

Compromised

2008-10-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

This song was written to award the top pledger for the quarterly Catholic and Enjoying It Tin Cup Rattle pledge drive, Irenaeus. The idea was that I'd write a song about whatever topic he chose. One of the options given was "How about a generic liberal pro-abortion Catholic politician (a la Pelosi, Biden, Sebelius, etc)?".

So with Joe as my inspiration, I cranked out this piece, by far my loudest yet (and the first to feature my actual guitar playing all the way through).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Compromised.mp3

Approximate lyric:

Compromised,
I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

I was born with a clear and distinct idea,
Between what was wrong and what was right.
From Augustus and Aquinas and then brought down to me:
The Truth was taught impermutably.

Before I Compromised,
I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

I became a lawyer and then a senator,
I took my position very seriously,
Faithfully represented those who'd elected me,
But all that changed in 1973

That's when it soon became apparent,
That the winds of change were blowing,
Privacy became the mandate,
Basic human rights forgoing,

Personhood now redefined
We had a simple choice to make
We chose to change our party line
and I my principles forsake

Protect the innocent the weakest of the weak
Fight for the poor the huddled, disenfranchised
Were words I lived by but now I defied
Turns out it's easy when you've got money on your side.

Actions without responsibility
or consequences gives you a free ride
Why defend the defenseless when it's so
much easier to live with yourself after you've

Compromised,
Like I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

One consequence of my decision
Is the matter of my religion
I sound like I'm some kind of nut
When I say "I'm personally opposed, but"

When you've speaking on the stumps
turns out that's good enough for chumps
And for thirty years it was sufficient
To shut up Cardinals and Bishops.

But now things seem to be changing again
Can't get away with what I did then
God forbid I need a defense
When I can no longer claim ignorance

It gets harder to be a politician
When you're at odds with your tradition
And when I'm denied my final prize
At least I'll know it's because I
...
Compromised.

I Want A Pen

2008-09-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

Playing around with some new effects today, needed a vocal line, so got our six-year-old son in front of the microphone and said "Come on, then! Sing something!"

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Xander_Lams_-_I_Want_A_Pen.mp3

He did a fine job!

Comments Closed

2008-09-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

Nothing is more depressing than reading an inciteful blog or forum post, having the perfect reply, and then being denied because either the poster has closed comments for that post or because you've previously been banned (for being right, usually).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Comments_Closed.mp3

Might not want to listen to this with the kids around as it contains a phrase which contains a word some may consider objectionable.

Shill

2008-09-01T11:53:00.001-07:00

It's new music! Inspired by current events! It's longer than 2 minutes!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Shill.mp3

Shill
(Words and Music by Victor Lams)

You say that you are hopeful because the winds of change are blowing,
And you think is a good thing 'cause you don't like how things are going.
But change taken by itself is both a blessing and a curse,
Sometimes it makes things better, but more often makes them worse.

It's appealing, so seductive, easy to get caught up in it,
But before you do something stupid maybe you should wait a minute.
Take a moment, take a breather, and when you do, think through it:
Change doesn't happen by itself it takes some one to do it.

Someone has to write the speeches,
Then the politician preaches,
To those whom make sure that it reaches,
Seems like common sense it teaches:

"Are we for change? Yes we can!
Just don't ask us about our plan.
It's all to nothing apropos,
Just gotta upset that status quo!"

Now there's no easy way to say this, it appears that you've been smitten,
There are phone calls to be made and many emails to be written,
Your family might not trust us and your friends, they are all haters,
But don't worry because one day we'll be proud to call them traitors.

Now deep inside your mind you might hear a tiny voice,
This is only normal: your conscience is a choice.
But your morals must be sacrificed so we can get elected,
Media prophecies fulfilled, and history corrected.

And if people are unwilling,
To our Audacious Hope fulfilling,
You'll find that some blood needs spilling,
Truth be told we'll make a killing!

Before you know it you've bought the line,
Seems so obvious it must be a sign:
Change we can believe in, still,
Too bad you've just become our...

Shill!
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Thank you for your help, as we said you've been quite useful,
Now it's our turn to confess that we maybe haven't been quite truthful,
There's no way we could provide all that stuff that you've been promised,
Better luck, live and learn: you can't cheat someone who's honest.

We're the ones we've been waiting for to,
Bring about our new world order,
Looks pretty much the same now though,
Except it's us stealing the show.

Turns out I wasn't the Messiah,
Not Apollo, Zeus, or Gaia,
Only one thing really was true,
We all really needed you to...

Shill! for us
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Shill!
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Pop Corn

2008-08-09T19:07:00.001-07:00

Dr. Apostrophe X and The Kornhole Krew present:

"Pop Corn"

http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0808-DrAX-Pop_Co rn.mp3

It's "Moog-hop"!

Used: Nusofting Broken Drum Machine, Battery 3, Sample Moog, Oligarc

Lyric:
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

My name's DJ Endosperm and I'm on a bike,
Riding through your stomach 'cuz I don't like to hike,
I'm filled with starch and fiber, too,
And compared to greasy chips I'm very good for you.
But I'm not like my unpopped kin,
I don't come out looking like I went in.
When you're watching TV I'm the perfect snack,
So come on over and grab a hold of my sack.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

I'm the Kernel MC and I refuse to pop,
Popping is for losers and for crooked cops.
People say I just need a little more heat,
Maybe, like your momma needs more stinky feet.
Yeah, I don't make kids smile, I only make them frown.
Try to bite on me and I'll break your crown.
You want some food, eat some chicken coated in penko,
'Cuz I'm Bob Barker and you just lost at Plinko.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

They call me Little Orvie short for RedenbachURR.
You might think I'm dead, but I'm still hURR.
I'm over 100 years old but I'm rockin' the nation,
Kept alive in suspended animation.
ConAgra thaws me out once every few yURRS,
When they need to pitch popcorn to consumURRS.
People try to drown me but I don't show signs of stopping,
Because my gourmet corn is the best for popping.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

New Album Out Today!?

2008-07-09T17:46:00.001-07:00

Well, I thought it would take a few more weeks, but apparently three days is all it takes for Amazon MP3 and Lala to post your new album on their websites for listening (LaLa gives you the first listen for free) and purchase. iTunes, Rhapsody, and eMusic, it seems take a bit longer.

So, yeah: phreakbox v1.4: The Instrumentals is out today!!!!

Expect a full page for the album soon, including a link to purchase a physical CD copy of the product (once I approve it). But in the meantime if you want to get your (mostly) mellow electronic jazz downtempo loungecore chiptune worldbeat groove on, head over to the album on Amazon MP3 or Lala and give it a listen (and if you like it, download a track or two or the whole album). It's very chill.

Also, while at Amazon MP3 or Lala (and soon iTunes and Rhapsody) you may notice another single I've recently released, "The Flying House of Loreto".

This is a track I did a little while back which has become very popular on the net (to date this year, it's been downloaded over 16,000 times from my website). If you like, give it a listen and a download too. It may just give you the inspiration you need to do whatever it is you need to do today (heck, I mean, if a house can fly anything is pretty much possible). Jackie did the cover design for the single, incorporating one of her recent fiber art pieces... I've gotten a lot of good feedback on that.

And, as always, if you haven't gotten your daily dose of Robot Love recently, you can download my first CD on iTunes, Rhapsody, Amazon MP3 and a number of other places around the net.

Requiem for an SMS

2008-06-29T13:12:00.001-07:00

Here's another from our poking-around-on-my-harddrive file, a requiem for the Sega Master System.

NOTE: This song is now available on the new "Phreakbox v1.4: The Instrumentals" album (as "Game Over"), available for download from Amazon MP3, Lala.com, and available soon from iTunes and Rhapsody and on Audio CD.

2005 Funk Jam

2008-06-28T07:49:00.001-07:00

Going through the hard-drive looking for some stuff to clean up for a possible future release, and found this experiment (probably messing around with the Jamstix demo), from July, 2005.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_2005_Funk_Jam.mp3

Car Wreck (Hang Up And Drive)

2008-05-26T16:03:00.000-07:00

Song #75 on our 100-song odyssey is a collaboration with the eminent 1-2-Many, who is a fixture on the KVRaudio.com website, particularly in their monthly song contests. Collaboration may be pushing it a bit because all I really did on this one was write some words and sing them -- he did all the music writing and production, so it was quite a nice break for me. I think it came out really well.

http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0805_drx2many_car_wreck.mp3

Barry White vs. The Chipmunks

2008-04-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

Since I guess we're on the retro tip, here's another old song; this song is possibly from late 1998 or early 1999? I can't remember. It was done "live" (though multitracked) to my Roland multitrack recorder which could do formant shifting, which explains the vocals. I never really intended this to be Barry White or the Chipmunks, I just needed a name for the project after I'd recorded it.

http://www.victorlams.com/music/victor_lams_-_bwvtc.mp3

Oh, and if someone could please explain to me why "The Flying House of Loreto" has been downloaded 4,000 times already this month (and how I can possibly cash in on this), please let me know. It's been gaining in popularity over the last few months and I have no idea why.

Fake Cop!

2008-04-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

Here's an oldie, from 2001 (right after the "Robot Love" era). It's about all those people who pretend to be cops... that's right, they are "Fake Cops!" A lot of time has gone by between this song and now, so you'd really think my music would sound better today than it did then. You would think.

http://www.victorlams.com/music/Victor_Lams_-_Fake_Cop.mp3

In The Eye

2008-03-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

...in which our singer recounts his final moments inside the eye of a tornado (it's a Midwestern United States thing, you wouldn't understand). Lyric here.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/VLams_-_In_The_Eye.mp3

In The Eye (Instrumental Version)

2008-03-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'll be posting the version of this new tune with vocals in a day or two. In the meantime, enjoy it in all its pristine, unbesmirched, Moog-tastic goodness.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/VLams_-_In_The_Eye_Instrumental.mp3

M.A.R.V.I.N.

2008-03-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

Song #70 on our 100-song journey is from early, 2003, when I found myself laid-off. It's named in honor of Michigan's Automated Response Voice Interactive Network, aka. M.A.R.V.I.N., who cheerfully greeted me every other Friday to confirm I'd been looking for work. As for the piece itself, it's kind of a jazzy-funky instrumental tune done with an old music program that came bundled free with Computer Music magazine. Listening to this one again after so many years, for all of its low-fi grunginess, it's really one of my favorites. It reminds me of a time when (like it or not) I had a lot of time and attention to give a piece.

NOTE: This song is now available on the new "Phreakbox v1.4: The Instrumentals" album, available for download from Amazon MP3, Lala.com, and available soon from iTunes and Rhapsody and on Audio CD.

The Canadian Human Rights Commission

2008-02-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

UPDATE (02/19): I've tweaked the mix a little to make the vocals stand out a little more (maybe too much -- yes, I've heard of EQ, but there's no time to fix that now).

If you want to know what this song is about, just google "Canadian Human Rights Commission". They're both wacky and evil. Free Mark Steyn!

By request, here is the (approximate) lyric (I always change the words a bit when I sing them to make them flow better and the "Der Kommissar" parts were improvised on the spot):

------------
The Commission:

We're the Canadian Human Rights Commission
Welcome to our coalition
Of Ministers and Politicians
Here to make it right.

We're the Canadian Human Rights Commission
Your enemies submitted their petition
In opposition to your position
And we're sensitive to their plight.

We're the Canadian Human Rights Commission
Please offer your deposition
Then we'll give you our rendition
And a chance for you to be contrite

We're the Canadian Human Rights Commission
You've been found guilty by our intuition
We'd like to offer you extradition
Go quietly and without a fight

Der Kommissar:

We apologize for putting you in this position.
But you must understand, we have no choice, we are the Canadian Human Rights Commission.

The Commission:

We're the Canadian Human Rights Commission
Welcome to our coalition
Of Ministers and Politicians
Here to make it right

We're the Canadian Human Rights Commission
Welcome to our inquisition
Quelling all our opposition
But never ever being impolite.

Der Kommissar:

We're afraid of jihadists and the homosexuals,
But we're not afraid of you and your Papal bulls.
You can believe what you want to, you can believe what you will,
But if you speak your mind, we'll move right in for the kill.
------------

(And I think that's just about every rhyme there is for "commission" though I'm sure you can probably think of others).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/VLams_-_Canadian_Human_Rights_Commission.mp3