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Words from Robot Love
all lyrics written by Victor Lams

Robot Love
Love, give Robots your love.
I said Love, give Robots your love.
Like a little puppy dog, and the itty-bitty snakes,
You gotta love the robots whatever it takes.
I said Love, give Robots your love.

Victor: Here you are, Robot, I made you a sandwich,
I hope you enjoy it!
Robot: A sandwich? Thanks! (Chomp, chomp, chomp,
chomp, chomp)

Sarah's Lullaby
Hush now, Sarah, dry your eyes,
There are people who want to see you get discouraged.
Go to sleep and don't you cry,
It will all be better tomorrow, I promise.

There were demons here, but now they're gone.
They were killed by one, who loved you dearly.
In the morning, I'll be gone.
But while you sleep I'll be right by you always.

Shelly
Shelly works in the grocery store,
And she knows her job well, And she does her job well,
But sometimes her somewhat childish demeanor,
Can make her seem awfully naive.

Day in, day out, you can hear her telling
People what to do, And they better do it, too.
Scanning produce, place it in the bags,
Or else they'll have to call the cashier.

Please put coins into the coin acceptor,
Before placing bills into the bill acceptor,
Please remove the item and scan it again,
Please place the item back in the bag.

Shelly's always worked at the grocery store,
And I think that's sad,
It's just a little sad.
And sometimes I wonder if she were not a robot,
Is there something else she'd like to be?

Shelly's stuck at the grocery store,
For the rest of her days, An industry slave.
No stock options, no chance to retire,
Does she have a reason to live?

Deep inside her mechanical subconscious,
Something stirs, And an idea is born.
She doesn't want to let her masters know she's thinking,
So she repeats this idiotic phrase:

Please put coins into the coin acceptor,
Before placing bills into the bill acceptor,
Please remove the item and scan it again,
Please place the item back in the bag.

Shelly knows one day he’ll arrive there,
The robot of her dreams,
The machine of which she dreams,
And when he does they will escape together,
And be happy in their automatonic way.

(Life is) Salty
Life is salty, Life is sweet,
Filled with tasty things to eat.
Life is happy, life is sad.
You take the good, you take the bad.
Life is long, life is short.
Now it's time to go to work.

"If you were a card, you'd be the worst card in the deck.
You'd be the card that always lost something.
You know, everyone who got you, would lose,
Except sometimes they think they'd won,
Because they got you early in the game,
But in the end, they'd lose again."

Captain Bigshot, Part I
Hey there, Captain Bigshot,
Mister "Master of the Sea".
You think you're so great with your,
"Always goes down with his ship,"
And your, unfailing decorum,
And your, boatswain,
But you don't mean nothing to me.

Sail on, Captain Bigshot.
Discover new, uncharted shores.
Stand majestic upon your deck,
While your sails get torn,
And your mast gets broke,
I know you don't exist anymore.

Interlude (Run You Down)
I've had way too much coffee to drink,
I'm on a forty second fuse.
And if you get in my way, one more time,
I'll be forced to run you down.

Space Helpers
In the future, there will be people,
People to help us, and lend a hand,
And these people, are the Space Helpers,
Helping people across the land.

I am from Mars, I am a space man,
I will not hurt you, please don't kill me.
I can help you, if you let me,
If you let me, lend a hand.

This other guy, he is from Saturn,
He is not friendly, he's very mean.
He doesn't want to, want to help you,
You should turn, and walk away.

If you ever, see these people,
These people, across the land,
These people, are called Space Helpers,
And most of them, will lend a hand.

Interlude (Permission)
No, I never said may you,
No, I never said may you,
But I know you want to...
Yes.

The Video Store Song
Here we are again,
Another week has come and been.
And like every other week,
We find ourselves condemned to choose, but
There's too damn many, many in here.
There's too damn many, many in here.
And I've got to find one to take home, and
I don't know what it's called,
But it's small and independent, and
It's going to take some time to find.

I've been up and down each aisle,
Seems like I've walked so many miles
And I thought it would be so easy, just to pick one out, but
There's too damn many, many in here.
There's too damn many, many in here.
And there's one I read about, in a magazine once, and
I don't know what it's called,
But it's small and independent and
It's going to take some time to find.

Sooner or later we'll arrive, at the checkouts of our lives
And our efforts there will bear fruit,
But until then, this is truth:
There's too damn many, many in here.
There's too damn many, many in here.
There's too damn many, many in here... (etc...)

Party For My Head
Jumping around, jump up and down,
Jump around, the whole dang town.
Say 'Hello,' to the people I meet,
Who walk up and down my jumping street.
Lay on my back, look up at the sky,
I feel so small, it makes me wonder why,
Out of all of the people on this great green Earth,
I should be thinking 'bout this great green Earth.
And I could go to work, but I think instead,
I'll just stay home and throw a party for my head.

Looking around, look up and down,
Look around the whole dang town,
Trying to avoid the people I meet,
Who try to attack me in my sleep.
This chip in my head makes it hard for me,
To empathize with the people I see,
I wish I could talk, I wish I could stay,
But I think that I had better run away.
And I could go outdoors, but I think instead,
I'll just stay in and throw a party for my head.

Advice For Young Robot
Come closer, my robot, I can just barely see you,
Everything is growing dark, and there are many things left
For me to tell you.
There is a lot to be afraid of, and unless you know,
What you're doing, you're going to find yourself...,
Well, I wrote for you this song:

"Please little robot, listen my song,
I wrote it just for you and it isn't very long.
Hear little robot, listen to my voice,
And I will lead you safely 'cross the sea.

"Please, little robot, as you go along,
Just rely on yourself and you'll be strong.
Don't be led astray by the programs of the weak,
And other evil things that are wrong."

The Return of Captain Bigshot
The ship was found, forty fathoms down,
Where the sea's so dark, you can't see it.
And the only clue, as to what might ensue,
Was in a locket which he clutched in his hand.

The Locket was breached, and it fell from his reach,
And slowly it landed on the deck.
The yardarms groaned as it rose from the stones,
To return to its home on the surface.

And though the ship is besot, with barnacles and rot,
It is once again the pride of the sea.

Sailing on the sea, won't you come along with me,
In my big ol' rotten ship, come on I'll give you a lift.
Won't you check out my big ship,
It was buried underwater, but now it's going to sail forever
Because the locket's the one that told me so.
Check out my special motors,
They are mystical and great,
Won't you check out my special motors,
They are mystical and great.
Why don't you check out my special motors,
Check out my special motors,
I am going to sail forever, thanks to my special motors.

(Boatswain's whistle)

Sailing on the sea, it feels so good to me.
I can sail from here to England,
And it won't cost me a cent.
Those people who told me that I was old, and out of date,
Will surely be surprised, when they see me,
Sailing towards them in my ship.
Check out my special motors,
They are mystical and great,
Check out my special motors,
They are mystical and great.
Why don't you check out my special motors,
Check out my special motors,
I am going to sail forever, thanks to my special motors.

And so, in bad or clement weather, The legend will sail on, forever.

Farmer Joe
Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
He's the best farmer I know,
Knows how to rake, knows how to hoe,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
Oldest farmer in Idaho.
Once was fast, now he's slow.
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

His farming skills have not been matched;
Every egg he's got is sure to hatch,
He can start a fire without a match;
His wife tells me he's quite a catch.
Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
Watch him farm now to and fro,
He's still Farming, don't you know,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
He farms in rain, and farms in snow,
Farmed for a hundred years or so,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Gets up early, stays up late;
Eats every thing that's on his plate,
His appetite is always great;
He once farmed for three days straight.
Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
He was made in O-hi-o,
Wind him up and watch him go,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
Friendliest robot that I do know,
Plants robot seeds to watch them grow,
Watch them grow like Farmer Joe.

As robots go he's kind and gentle;
Spends his days growing beans and lentils,
Though he gets damaged and sometimes bent--he'll
Never break and then go mental.

Plant the seeds, watch them grow,
Watch them grow like Farmer Joe,
Farmer Joe, Farmer Joe,
Ain't no stoppin' Farmer Joe.

Homunculus
There is a little man who lives in my head,
And when I talk, it's him instead,
And when I walk, he's pushing all the buttons,
That make me walk.
And I'm really not responsible for the things he says,
Because he is my Homunculus.
And often times I wonder, does he think,
The following:
'There is a big man, and I live in his head,
And I try to do all the things he wants,
But it really gets hard pushing buttons
All the time, and I just need a moment
Or two to unwind, and I am
His Homunculus.'

Time To Go
Well, now, it's time to go.
The hour's arrived,
And it's time to go.

So, time to move on,
Guess it's that time,
It's time to go.

Your time is up, you can't escape it,
Time to go, as it's been fated.
Try to run, you just can't make it,
It's your lot, you'd better take it.
Hear that voice, from far behind you,
Trying hard, trying to remind you:
Wasn't there some other reason why,
You shouldn't now be leavin'?

Never mind, it's time to go.
And one of these days,
It's time to go.

Tobiah's Journey
"Who are you, and what are you doing here?"
"I am one of your kinsmen."
"Do you know the way to Media?"
"Yes, I have been there many times before."
"I very much want to go there now, but wait,
Let me tell my father.
I'd go with him but he is blind and old,
That's why I need you to go with me."

Chorus:
I'm off to meet a girl in Media,
She's been married, seven times before, and
Each was killed, on their wedding night.
I'm hoping my fortune is better than theirs.

Off to marry Sarah -- in Media,
She's been married seven times before and,
Each one was killed by a demon.
My friend says that he has a plan.


Along the way, we caught a fish, and then
We cooked it up and ate it.
Except for certain parts we saved,
Because my friend said to do so.

When we arrived I asked for Sarah's hand,
And soon, very soon we were married.
Together we prayed, and burned some more of the fish,
So that we be spared from the demon.

Chorus

The demon fled, and the two of us were spared.
We had a great big party.
We partied for a fortnight and then it was,
It was time to return home.

Turns out my guide was an archangel,
(Didn't really eat, he was kidding).
Used the rest of the fish, and my dad can see.
Who knew things could end so happy?

Marshmallow XTC
Marshmallow XTC, tastes so good to you and me.
Bite the heads off the marshmallow chicks,
And the marshmallow, marshmallow, marsh-
Mallow XTC.

Marshmallow XTC, tastes so good, Oh, can't you see?
Bite the head off a marshmallow bunny,
And the marshmallow, marshmallow, marsh-
Mallow XTC.

Marshmallow XTC, tastes so good, Mm, it's yummy.
Bite the heads off the marshmallow ducks,
And the marshmallow, marshmallow, marsh-
Marshmallow, marshmallow, marsh-
Marshmallow, marshmallow, marsh-
Mallow XTC.

All Songs © 2000 Victor Lams, all rights reserved.